The art of endurance

I do not wish to recall every incident that happened in the past week, but there is one thing I need to get out of my chest. It's suffocating me. Have to get it out.

People keep asking me why I'm not angry of what someone did to me. Why I could easily forgive and forget about it. To tell you the truth, I'm not a forgiving person. The thing I'm doing now, is not forgiving, but ignoring. Why?

Seriously, I've met people who are MUCH worse, who did MUCH worse things to me. This time around, I'm surprised it's just such a minor thing, that I could easily overlook and assume nothing has happened. I expected them to be capable of something more serious than this. Sadly, they disappointed me. LOL!

Why didn't I stand up for myself? Well, I have a different interpretation of the act of "standing up for myself". I do not attack. I do not believe in retribution, or should I say, only God could decide whether a person should be punished the same way they knowingly injured others.

I stand up for myself by enduring, because I still have this much dignity left in me.

I will not deny my "convictions" because I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the furthest from perfect. I have many many bad habits and negative behaviour which I know I should overcome. No one is perfect. Thus, I believe that unless you can say you are perfect, you are in no position to criticise other people's mistakes in such way that suggests you have never done anything wrong in your entire life. Advicing is one thing. Criticising (and probably with an hidden intention behind) someone in public does not help one to understand his/her mistake. You may argue that you are doing this for his/her own good, but it's just an excuse, or a better term for gossiping.

There was once I did the same thing to a friend. Although I really wanted him to be a better person, I still regret doing it. I've apologised to him. But I still feel like I owe him an honest apology.

Maybe this is retribution. I am now being punished for what I did to another person. Perhaps some day, they will meet the same situation. But I'm going to make sure that I am not the person who create that situation for them.

I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong and every person I've hurt in the past. And I hope I will be forgiven.