Just pretend you didn't see this ok?

Jealousy creeps under my skin. Is this some kind of frisson? Or am I just envious of people getting the same thing easier than I do?

Every single detail hurt me. Not in form of stabbing, but more like scratching; peeling a very small amount of the surface of my skin at one time. Yet I had to endure and fake a smile, and will have to endure and smile, for a long time perhaps.

Maybe it IS frisson. But I think I should be grateful it is not something more serious than frisson.

Somehow, I’d love to believe this is all plain envy.

One thing for sure: Jess, I’ve proven you wrong. Turns out you can’t be “feeling” the right thing all the time.

Turns out Mom is also wrong, for overestimating her daughter. Turns out I myself was imagining things which are too good to happen to me, too impossible to happen to me; assuming one kind of behaviour was hinting a certain kind of emotion……

Turns out one word, could have meant many different things.

Why can’t I learn from mistakes? Have I not embarrassed myself enough already???
The prediction is wrong! Frisson can never overcome love! Whatever they predicted, I am now sure it will never happen. I am forgetting it for good.

P/S: Once again, I'm posting an entry that no one in the world would understand. Except maybe Jess. But she wouldn't be reading my blog anyway. Even if she does, she will only understand half of it. Perfect! Just what I want!