Stupid mistake

Sorry, I think I was wrong. You are capable of loving someone. Only that someone is not me and will never be me.
It isn't your fault. It's entirely mine. I shouldn't hope. I shouldn't wait. I shouldn't have asked you questions which I am in no position to ask. By doing that I forced you to give me false hope in order not to hurt me, and clinging on to this false hope, I keep lying to myself, that one day you might be able to see me, one day I might not be invisible to you.
Of course, you did not say all these. This is just another assumption of mine. But is the truth really that important? I find I do not care anymore. I just want more than my life to end this pain and suffer; this breaking and mending routine. Coz I don't wanna hate you. I don't wanna hate myself.

Whenever I'm sad, I think of the day I leave for UK. I will live in a house with many windows, and watch the snow hit the glass of the windows...without you.