The art of endurance

I do not wish to recall every incident that happened in the past week, but there is one thing I need to get out of my chest. It's suffocating me. Have to get it out.

People keep asking me why I'm not angry of what someone did to me. Why I could easily forgive and forget about it. To tell you the truth, I'm not a forgiving person. The thing I'm doing now, is not forgiving, but ignoring. Why?

Seriously, I've met people who are MUCH worse, who did MUCH worse things to me. This time around, I'm surprised it's just such a minor thing, that I could easily overlook and assume nothing has happened. I expected them to be capable of something more serious than this. Sadly, they disappointed me. LOL!

Why didn't I stand up for myself? Well, I have a different interpretation of the act of "standing up for myself". I do not attack. I do not believe in retribution, or should I say, only God could decide whether a person should be punished the same way they knowingly injured others.

I stand up for myself by enduring, because I still have this much dignity left in me.

I will not deny my "convictions" because I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the furthest from perfect. I have many many bad habits and negative behaviour which I know I should overcome. No one is perfect. Thus, I believe that unless you can say you are perfect, you are in no position to criticise other people's mistakes in such way that suggests you have never done anything wrong in your entire life. Advicing is one thing. Criticising (and probably with an hidden intention behind) someone in public does not help one to understand his/her mistake. You may argue that you are doing this for his/her own good, but it's just an excuse, or a better term for gossiping.

There was once I did the same thing to a friend. Although I really wanted him to be a better person, I still regret doing it. I've apologised to him. But I still feel like I owe him an honest apology.

Maybe this is retribution. I am now being punished for what I did to another person. Perhaps some day, they will meet the same situation. But I'm going to make sure that I am not the person who create that situation for them.

I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong and every person I've hurt in the past. And I hope I will be forgiven.

Birds of the same feather...

...flock together.

Is it human beings' very own nature to split into different cliques? Cliques exist everywhere in the society. Between the cliques, there is always disagreement. And the main cause of such disagreement is always the endless gossips and rumours.

Why can't everyone mind their own life instead of discussing about other people's? (This applies to me as well.)

The world would be a MUCH better place, if everyone could just mind their own businesses. Like George Bush can just stop being a busy body, freeing the Iraqis from the evil regime of a cruel dictator, and start putting more concern on the American teenagers, who generally lack moral values in life. Then there will be no war. Our dream of world peace could be achieved.

Whoa...I think I really shouldn't be bothered by other people's problems anymore and start worrying about things which are more important, such as my coursework......

GAWD, WHY CAN'T MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS JUST SHUT UP???!!!

John Locke was so wrong about men having the natural ability to govern themselves in his Social Contract theory. Because my next door neighbours obviously do not own that ability. Singing...No, I mean, screaming CNY songs with the loudest and most irritating voice ever without considering other people's right to a quiet environment for studying, blogging or sleeping purposes, is certainly a public nuisance. If these people were to be expected to govern themselves, everyone will be living in Hell soon......

Wait a minute. Did I say "soon"? Shouldn't have said that, 'cause we are already in one.

Rain is coming...

...So should we run FOR it, or FROM it?

Everyone knows Johor is flooded, because of the rain.





Everyone knows Korean singer-actor-model Rain is coming to Malaysia, as our country is one of the stops for his world tour.



But walao......The ticket to Rain's concert is freaking expensive! What do I do now? Here's a few suggestions:

1. Break the piggy bank.
2. Take from Mommy. "Ma, I need money to buy textbooks. Yalor, very expensive de."
3. Borrow from friends. "Please-lah, I need the money to go abortion. My tummy is starting to show...I beg you!!!"
4. Steal the money.
5. Rob a bank.
6. Sell pirated CDs (Well, you know who you are lah. Yes, I am talking about you. LOL!)
7. Become a prostitute (If you've seen a Japanese drama called "God, Please Give Me More Time", starring Takeshi Kaneshiro and Fukada Kyoko, you'll know what I'm talking about. In that drama, the main character became a prostitute to earn money for her idol's concert ticket and ended up contracting HIV).

Is that what you are planning to do for a stupid concert ticket, when you can fully utilize the little pocket money you have to do something meaningful? Something like donating it to a charity??

I know someone will be calling me "ki siao" (crazy) for saying this, but hey, I think you are more siao lor. Watch one stupid concert, where you can't even see your idol up close and you have to watch the big screen instead, also you wanna spend one thousand Ringgit. Besides, even Rain support some causes himself. But unfortunately, he obviously didn't hear about Johor, or else he will be donating at least half of his profit to Yayasan.

Imagine Rain changing the venue last minute to Johor and he starts singing in the rain on a rooftop surrounded by water......Mmm......Sexy.......

LOL!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, "Cheer for Rain, or Stop the Flood?" You decide.

P/S: Oh my God. Is Tsunami going to hit Sabah???!!! Read this: http://www.met.gov.my/english/service/seismology/seismoevent.html
More later.

P/P/S: Thank God nothing happens. Cannon and Edward they all were so worried about the possibility of Tsunami hitting their hometown. My mood got affected as well, which is only normal, after watching many exclusive Tsunami survivors episodes on The Oprah Winfrey Show, where handsome interior designer Nate Berkus talked about losing his partner in Sri Lanka, and also the very touching HBO original miniseries, Tsunami.
When we were chatting on MSN about God punishing us who sinned through the natural disasters and the fact that we should be punished after all, I opened the Bible randomly, and guess what I read on that very page?
"Jesus means 'God is Salvation'. When we know and accept Jesus as Savior, we are saved from sin. We become part of God's family."
I felt a sense of calmness almost immediately.
The Bible really gives us the answer to any question we are asking, to any doubt we have in our minds, because the Bible, is God's Word.
I can never understand the fear my friends have been through. The fear of losing their family and loved ones. But it inspired me. It really did.
Am sinking into my thoughts right now......

My stuffed puppies collection

Sue May once asked me whether my hobby is collecting weird stuff, because I obviously have a lot. LOL! Well, I do collect stuff, but not necessarily weird.

Like you certainly can't call my stuffed puppies collection weird.

Trix


Dalmatian


Hush Puppy


Puddin'


Wags


Amber


FiFi


Lady Pink


Maggie


Dewie


Prince Charles Spaniel


Basset Hound


Sheep Dog


I even have a dog pillow, a pair of dog slippers, a dog handbag......And now a dog blanket. LOL!

One exception among my doggies though...A creature with an "oh oh" (oh means black in Hokkien) face...



Grizzly Bear! Manfer gave it to me during last year's Valentine's. That's why it's named after him - Man Man (sorry if we disgusted you).

So, all 13 dogs and one bear are currently inhabitating my bedroom...





Wait a minute......How could I forget Sam Sook who's sitting by the window?! Add a piggy:


That makes 13 dogs, 1 bear, 1 pig (it's actually 2 pigs. My bro gave one more to me as Xmas present. Haha), 3 owls and 6 cats (Hello Kitty).

A weird stuffed toys collection. LOL!

Bday party at Pizza Hut

Just gonna post some pics of my birthday party, which was held Sunday night.

From left: Ingrid, me, Ai Wee, Oi Yee, Patricia

From left: Ingrid, Chin Fui, me, Sue May, Ai Wee, Oi Yee, Patricia, Raymond, Calvin, Anthony


From left: Ai Wee, me, Raymond, Ingrid, Sue May


Me, Anthony Tee (a.k.a Dai Lou) and Ai Wee


From left: Dai Lou, Chin Fui, Anthony Tan, Cannon, Edward


From left: Yan Shan, Philips, Calvin, Raymond


From left: Dai Lou, Chin Fui, Anthony Tan, Edward


Cannon, Ai Wee and Anthony Tan


Calvin and Cannon intoxicated by Pepsi. LOL!


Calvin and Anthony wearing "couple T-shirts". LOL!

The presents I received for my birthday...

(I especially like the purple blanket with the dog, coz I like everything with stuffed puppies. But the other presents are really really nice as well. Thanks guys!)

And this is from my boyfriend...

(He said I'll be going to UK soon and will be able to make use of this watch to check the time in Malaysia, so that I won't call him during the hours that he won't have the consent to whatever promises he's making. LOL!)

All in all, it was the most memorable birthday ever. I mean, I practically celebrated for 3 days in total! That really is as good as birthdays can get......

......well, if only I could get away with not doing my coursework. LOL!

Trip to the Palace of Justice, Putrajaya

The schedule had been tight since I came back from SJ. Last night, we went celebrating my birthday at Pizza Hut and we headed to KTV afterwards (will be posting the pics in another entry). Few hours later, we were already on the bus to Putrajaya.

One thing I've learned from today's trip: Be prepared to get scolded for the rest of my life. The judge who was hearing the case today was so nasty that I'm sure the image of myself getting blasted for no reason every day had permanantly scarred my brain tissue.

Other than that, I guess we spent most of the trip trying to figure out how to take photos inside the court without being caught, and also posing like movie stars for many photoshoot sessions. We are so addicted to camwhoring these days that we've planned to go Putrajaya again tomorrow night, just to take pictures of night view in the city where our government wasted all our hard-earned money on building it.

Our outfit today and the setting at the Palace of Justice certainly reminded Ingrid and I of a HK drama, which is why I had an idea of making a slideshow of our pics. Here you go (prepare some tissues before you play the video, coz Manfer said it made him "vomit blood"):

Bday in SJ

I certainly did not expect a memorable 20th birthday after how terribly wrong everything had gone on the day before. I found out last minute that there's no Inti campus bus on Sat and Sun, but I can't take KTM because it's gonna be a LONG journey, according to my friends. I called my bf to ask him what I should do, only for him to ask me back, "How? What are you gonna do?" And I'm SO NOT taking the Inti bus again (ask Yan Shan and Philips).

But after Manfer picked me up at ISCJ, things started going well. His aunt was nice enough to treat us to dinner. After that we went to Sunway Pyramid for a 9 p.m. movie. I received tons of sms birthday wishes by 12 a.m. And we spent whole afternoon shopping at Pyramid today.

One low point though: I'm officially broke.

And I still have to treat the whole class to Pizza Hut tomorrow night, for a belated birthday celebration. LOL. Not sure how many of them will turn up though.

The house Man's living in is freaking big. Really. There are CCTVs all around the house and gosh, I LOVE HIS DOG! Here are some pics:

Manfer in the jacuzzi. Looks just like a crime scene.

Me in the living room upstairs.

Me and Manfer's pet, Duke Augustus. God, even the dog has a title to his name.

My baby made me breakfast this morning. Yum yum. Hehe.

Finally at 3 p.m. he drove me back to Nilai, accompanied by his cousin Jonathan, a.k.a. Ah Boy. They left after the yum cha session with Ai Wee and Sue May. Hehe.

Now that I'm back in the jungle of Nilai, I'm starting to worry about my coursework again. Well, at least I still have tomorrow night's dinner and Monday's court trip to look forward to.

Listen

Am in a terrible mood today. And I don't exactly know why.

One thing I've realised. We should really stop talking so much and start listening. Listen, and watch. Perhaps the spectators are the smartest people on Earth, while the people who get themselves involved are just clowns.

Everything is too complicated to be written down. Sang a song instead (it's only the front part of it):

Listen - by SapphireGurl (originally performed by Beyonce, from the OST of "Dreamgirls")


Listen, to the song here in my heart
A melody I've start,
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning,
To find release

Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't
Listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I tried and tried
To speak what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I gotta find
My own......

I don't know why I chose this song. I just feel so emotional whenever I listen to it. Guess Beyonce is really an excellant singer.

I keep on falling...

...into this deep, dark depression hole.

Here are the incidents which contributed to my temporary OCD (Obsessive-compulsive Disorder) which caused insomnia and an excessive usage of swear words in daily conversation:

1. My dysfunctional hostel room. Seriously. At first, the accommodation office gave me the wrong key and I couldn't lock the door for fear of locking myself outside. So I used the padlock instead. Eventually, the padlock was spoilt and I did lock myself outside anyway. And the stupid air-conditioner kept pouring water on my books!!! You heard me right. It's POURING, not dripping. Ta ma de, I didn't pay to be locked outside and to get my books all wet ok? And what the hell is wrong with the internet??? I can't even blog if my life depended on it! (Now I'm at the CC. Only place I can log in to my Blogger account.)

2. Coursework. Again, how am I ever gonna start it???!!! It's Do Or Die now!!! Better hurry up!

3. UCAS. Thank you Sue May for telling me about it. Now I can't get the UCAS application thing out of my head.

4. Attachment. Why didn't I do it during the sem break???!!! I'm such a retard.

5. Scholarship. Mom, it doesn't really matter whether I try or not. No company in a right mind will be giving me one if I submit my A-Levels result. If there is one who offers, the first thing I'd do is I'd probably check whether it's actually legal.

6. Going to SJ during the weekends. Baby arr, it's not like I don't wanna spend time with you lor. The thing is if I'm going to spend more time with you, I'm gonna have to sacrifice something else......something like......my life. Coz I'm so dead. Even without my parents knowing I'll be in SJ, I'm still barely alive.

7. Formal clothes. What if the clothes and shoes which I'll be getting on Thursday by Pos Laju don't fit??? What am I gonna wear to the Palace of Justice on Monday??? Old newspaper???

8. Mid Sessional exams. Forget about it. I'm not even sure whether I'll live to sit the mid sessional.

9. Going to UK. Forget about it. I'll be dead LONG before that day.

10. The cost of transatlantic phone calls. Least of the problems man. People won't be excepting your call when you are a dead corpse.

In conclusion,

I HATE MY LIFE!!!

Whatever, it's not like I can just drop off and die right now, right here. Sigh, am going to the library liao la. Damn sien la this entry. Buh-bye.

P/S: At least my roommate is really really nice and she gave me souvenirs from Korea (earrings! I love earrings!). And I found out that her name is actually Sin Hee. She just used Sini because she thinks it'll be easier for us to pronounce. Well, "Sin Hee" is not a problem for a Korean language fanatic like me! Hehe! Kamsahamnida unnie, for making my day!

P/P/S: WTF???!!! The prepaid reload card machine just ate my 10 bucks! Do you know how many meals I can buy with 10 bucks these days??? I've been saving like mad, eating instant noodles at least 4 times a week, for what? Certainly not for the stupid machine to eat my 10 bucks just like that! Dengz...... Can't help it. Have to swear at least once. ARGH!!!
Did I step into a really bad karma or what?!

My room

My new roommate Si-ni is coming from Korea tomorrow. So I decided I should clean the room. It's freaking tidy now. I mopped the whole room and wiped all surface I could reach. LOL.

By the way, this is my side of the room:




It's air-conditioned, as I can't survive one day without air-con. Which is probably a good thing since I'm going to UK and will have to withstand the freezing cold winter. The last time I've been to Germany during the winter, it was -2 degree Celsius outside. My brother and I came up with an idea of daring each other to stand outside without wearing a jacket. So we went standing outside the train station wearing nothing but T-shirt and jeans (he was actually cheating because he wore wool underneath his shirt, while all I wore was really just a T-shirt) and the pedestrians started staring at us like we were nuts.

The only thing is air-conditioner is really bad for skin. It has definitely worsen my natural dry skin. Sigh. Guess I'll just have to dab some more lotion on......

Later guys.

Do you think I lack people skills?

The down side of keeping a blog is that even though it's like an online journal, you can't talk freely about anything you'd wanna share. Coz if the information actually concerns someone you know, there will be a high possibility that they will see it. And if they do, you'll be the most hated person among your friends.

Which is why I missed keeping my personal journal. I had a lot of diaries previously. I could write up to 10 pages per day. I talked about everything, about anyone. It's actually a very good way to source your anger and tension, especially when a person really irritates you but you can't tell him straight to his face.

There was once I did a mistake of criticising someone I know in a public forum. We'd have never guessed there was a chance that he'd read it, but he did. So, for one time, I was the most hated person in class. The guy hated me, that's for sure. My friends were not happy too. They thought I'm the one who made the guy hated all of us. But the thing is, they never wanted to be friends with him anyway. And they themselves had talked worse things about him behind his back.

I wasn't even gossiping or starting a rumour. I was just telling it like it is. Honestly, part of me really wanted him to see the things I wrote, so that he realized his faults and the fact that he irritated us (fortunately, he read it. Unfortunately, he didn't realize anything except that I was being mean).

But then, this is what real friends are for, right? It's not about compliments all the time. It's the courage of telling your friend that what he/she did was wrong. It's the thought of wanting him/her to be a better person.

Most of the time I meant well, I suppose. Maybe the thing I lack is people skills.

Then again, that could not be possible because I'm really good at all those psychology stuff. When people ask me how to ask a girl out or how to tackle a girl; should they or should they not give up on a girl they like......my opinions always turned out to be the right solution. So why do I suck so much on handling my own problems? Hmm......

Alright, this is what I'll do. To those people whom I have irritated in the past, please leave a comment stating how and why I irritated you (this is only opened to people who actually knows me in person). If you do not think I'm irritating, please comment too. Thank you.

Gosh, this is so lame. I'm starting to wonder whether this entry is a good idea......

Not a girl, not yet a woman

I don't like Britney. But I can't deny that particular song of hers does relate to every single girl on earth.

I've only realized yesterday that I'm turning 20 in less that 2 weeks. Twenty......that's like......whoa...... I think turning 20 is actually more significant than turning 21. Coz being nineteen is really the last year you could call yourself a teenager, when you can still go, "well, I learn from mistakes" for whatever it is that you've done wrong. But being twenty......I mean, there are so many things you can't do anymore. You can't wear braids. You can't cover yourself from head to toe in pink (unless you're Elle Woods, that is)......you know, all these shit. And I guess it's the time you struggle to prove yourself in order to be treated like an adult, which generally means carelessness and recklessness cannot be tolerated.

Oh God, I haven't even touched one corner of my coursework. And I haven't read a page of my textbooks during the holiday.

Guess I've just proven I'm still a kiddo. A lazy one.

11 days to go until I'm 20 years old. I shall miss being 19 for the rest of my life...